Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Alaskan Tourist
Did you ever have a truly bad vacation? One that was so bad that you were not only glad to return home but you wish you had never left?
In the song Wayfarin’ Stranger, the singer struggles with life’s trials and tribulations, but also has hope for seeing loved ones in the afterlife.
Sometimes on a bad vacation one can feel like the Wayfarin’ Stranger. There may be hope for arriving safely in the comfort of one’s home, but there is no hope for vacation happiness to be salvaged.
This was the case with Bigfoot when he went on vacation in Alaska. Not only was he having a terrible time, he also had severe doubts that he would return home safely. In his darkest moments he consoled himself by singing the following song:
Alaskan Tourist
(Sing to Wayfarin’ Stranger)
I’m just a lost Alaskan tourist
A trudgin’ through this world of snow.
And I can’t see because I’m snow blind
In this bright world through which I go.
Just let me know if you see Fairbanks,
If I get there, I’m goin’ home.
You’ll never see me visit Juneau.
You’ll never see my face in Nome.
Copyright August 5, 2009
eMeRaLD Effect Enterprises
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Tree Hugger Romance
What if a tree hugger developed a romantic relationship with a tree? What if the relationship developed problems? Here is the rest of the story:
I came home last night and my girlfriend the apple tree was crying. There were blossoms all over the place.
“What’s wrong?” I axed.
She braced herself and said, “I don’t know how to tell you this, and I wasn’t thinking of branching out, but I’ve met someone else”.
“What went wrong?” I axed. “I thought we wood grow old together. I thought we had good chemistry. I would exhale carbon dioxide which you absorbed and you released oxygen which I inhaled. It was a perfect system. Who is it?”
“I’ve developed a budding relationship with the walnut tree in the park”.
“I thought I ‘saw’ you looking at him”, I whimpered.
“He said he’s nuts about me and that I’m the apple of his eye. I don’t know if it will work out, but, to be fair, I think I should leaf you as soon as possible.”
“Years ago he was poplar but he turned out to be a shady character and I think you’re barking up the wrong tree”, I told her angrily. “That walnut tree was a member of a splinter faction and hung out with some squirrelly characters! You are just infatuated with his pet dogwood tree”.
“That may or may knot be true”, she responded, “but I’m planning to go tonight so I don’t leaf you in limbo.”
I relented and said, “Maple it’s the best thing for you. I wooden want you to miss and opportunity for tree love. I won’t cut you down for your dream of happiness. It’s oak-a with me. I won’t pine for you. Make like a tree and leave before I change my mind”.
I thought she had bats in her belfry, but maple it was just the noise from all the hummingbird nests on her limbs. She rooted through her belongings and packed them in her trunk. The last time I saw her she was going down Peachtree Street weeping like a willow.
Copyright 2009
eMeRaLD Effect Enterprises
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The Big Green Rooster
Once upon a time a cat and a dog and a mouse and a big green rooster all lived together in a little house.
Often the big green rooster would sleep all day on the soft couch in the living room. Some days the big green rooster would nap all day on the hammock on the shady back porch. On other days the big green rooster would snooze all day in the big chair in the parlor.
The cat and the dog and the mouse had to do all the housework. The cat cooked the meals and washed the dishes. The dog made the beds and swept the floor. The mouse washed the windows and mended the clothes.
Since the big green rooster could only be one place at a time, that left open two comfortable resting places.
If the cat or the dog or the mouse stopped working to rest on the couch or the porch or the chair the big green rooster would wake up. He would shout, “That’s my couch (or porch or chair)!” Then he would sleep wherever the cat or the dog or the mouse had tried to rest.
The cat and the dog and the mouse were too agitated by the big green rooster to get any rest during the day.
The cat and the dog and the mouse raked the leaves and cut the grass and tended the garden. One day when they were working in the garden they found some grains of wheat.
“Who will plant this wheat?” they all cried.
“Not I,” shouted the big green rooster from the soft couch in the living room.
“Then we will,” said the cat and the dog and the mouse. And they did.
Each morning the cat and the dog and the mouse watered the wheat and pulled the weeds. Soon the wheat pushed through the ground and the plants grew quickly.
When the wheat was ripe, the cat and the dog and the mouse asked, “Who will cut this wheat?”
“Not I,” yelled the big green rooster from the hammock on the back porch.
“Then we will,” said the cat and the dog and the mouse. And they did.
When the wheat was cut, the cat and the dog and the mouse asked, “Now, who will take this wheat to the mill to be ground into flour?”
“Not I,” exclaimed the big green rooster from the big chair in the parlor.
“Then we will,” said the cat and the dog and the mouse. And they did.
The cat and the dog and the mouse returned from the mill carrying bags of fine white flour. “Who will make a cake from this fresh white flour?” they asked.
“Not I,” declared the big green rooster from somewhere comfortable.
“Then we will,” said the cat and the dog and the mouse. And they did.
The cat gathered sticks and made a fire in the stove.
The dog took milk and sugar and eggs and butter and mixed them in a big bowl with the nice white flour.
When the oven was hot the mouse poured the cake batter into a pan and put it in the oven.
After a while a wonderful smell filled the little house.
The big green rooster got out of bed and strutted into the kitchen.
The cat and the dog and the mouse were taking a splendid cake out of the oven.
“Who will eat this cake?” they asked.
“Chicken eggs are in that cake,” said the big green rooster. “I am going to eat it.”
But the cat and the dog and the mouse said, “We found the wheat, we planted the wheat, we took care of the wheat, we cut the wheat, and we took the wheat to the mill to be ground into flour. We gathered the sticks, we built the fire, we mixed the cake, and we are going to eat it!”
But the big green rooster grabbed the cake and gobbled it down leaving only crumbs. The cat and the dog and the mouse ate the crumbs because nothing else was left from their hard work with the wheat.
Copyright July 20, 2009
eMeRaLD Effect Enterprises
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